On Hiring

We’re a reasonably large store, as far as small businesses go. But we are still, in fact, a small business. There are currently five employees for the store.

We get all sorts of people looking to work here. After all, who wouldn’t want to get paid to read comic books or play games. Many of the people who apply simply don’t understand that this is a job like any other, and work does in fact need to get done.

But sometimes, there are highlights to the crowd that we will certainly not hire. As a word of advice to the potentials out there:

If you’ve given us an application, we know you’re looking for a job. Checking back once is fine. Checking back every week is not.
Calling one of our product groups (i.e. comics, minis, etc.) “a crappy hobby” is not a good start.
Asking for a job is OK. Demanding that you get one, or you’ll never shop here again, isn’t.
Just because you’ve got boobs doesn’t mean that we’ll give you a job. The employees here are not the socially akward type (…mostly).
If you need to have you’re friend ask for you, we won’t have much faith in your ability to talk to customers.
If one of us tells you we’re not hiring, you’re not going to get a different answer from someone else.
Muttering “I can’t believe to lame-ass fucking comic book store won’t even hire me,” on your way out pretty much kills of any lingering doubts we might have had towards your suitability for the store.

To balance this out, here are some things you can do to be considered hiring material:

Be helpful. Volunteer to DM, answer questions, help tidy up after yourself or others.
Bring us food. Especially when there’s only one person on shift.
Talk with us. Not to us, and not at us.
And if all else fails, defeating one of us in one-on-one combat to the death will ensure you the spot of the defeated, Highlander style.

Things You Hear From People Trying to Sell You Stuff

“Yeah, of course they’re in mint condition.”
“Yeah, they’re like a couple decades old.”
“What, you’re too good for my collection?”
“I took real good care of them.”
“Yeah, I’ve got a Spiderman #1 at home. You interested in that?”
“What do you mean you won’t pay that? That’s what the book says they’re worth. I want my fucking money!”
“Fuck You!”
“Go to Hell!”
“Eat Shit!”
“I’m just looking for a few bucks to buy gifts for the holiday….Yeah, well fuck you!”

I’m starting to notice a bit of a trend. It’s actually easier than it sounds, since people looking to sell tend to come in in rather large clumps. I don’t think that I’ve been any more vitriolous than usual towards them, so I’d guess that the holiday season really does bring out the worst in people. The important thing to remember is that you are running a store, not running a charity. People don’t look to sell quality product any more; there’s Ebay for that. No, people are looking for handouts, and you simply cannot give it to them and still expect to remain in business.

Still makes me feel a bit bad, though.

*!#$ YuGiOh Kids…

Item 1: How many times should a shopkeep watch bungled attempts at theft before stepping in. One of these little buggers first walked behind the counter to raid the singles showcase. He’s short, so it might have gone unnoticed, were I not staring at him the whole time. Next, he attempted to claim that a number of MtG singles were commons, and cost $.10 each. One of the other employees caught that one. Finally, on the way out, he grabbed an entire binder of L5R from another customer and attempted to offski.

This entire series of events is quite puzzling to me. He’s the right age for YuGiOh, but he also went for MtG (I could see that), and L5R (WTF!). He had a believeable excuse each time, so it’s conceiveable that this is simply rampant stupidity. Needless to says, he was asked not to come back.

Item 2: I have reached the point where I considered poor sportsmanship grounds for expulsion. One of the YuGiOh kids suffered this wrath today. I’ll put up with grumpiness. I’ll even accept a modicum of trash talk. But if you ever 1) Yell top-of-lungs at an opponent, 2) Snatch (yes, that’s the right verb) cards or results slips out of hands, or 3) Falsify the results slip and then lie about it, you’ll be DQed and booted.

One of these days I’ll crack, and I’ll punt one of the little shits. I figure I can make at least 20 feet…

Minor Annoyances

Shoplifting bothers me. It shouldn’t, really. The overwhelming amount of knowledge about how a retail store runs forces one to accept that people simply take stuff without paying for it. Accounting sheets even have a spot for how much stock you lose to it, and acceptable percentages can run as high as (depending on the industry) 20%. 20%! That’s one in five items that simply walks out the door. Mind-boggling…

Part of the reason it bothers me so much is that I think of this store, more and more, as my store. When someone takes something, it bothers me it the same way as someone walking into my house, picking one of my books off my bookcase, and walking out with it. Very frustrating. (And I know this, unfortunately, from first-hand experience.)

I’m not saying that I don’t understand the appeal of it. Hell, I love free stuff. And I’ve had friends who’ve done very good jobs justifying theft from the corporate chain stores. I can understand taking something that you really want because you simply do not ahve enough money for it. Not sure I can condone it, but I can at least understand it.

But to steal a couple of $1 cards, after you’ve traded for over $20 with rares you have available, after you’ve been asked if you’re ready to be rung up, and after you’ve made a point of saying you decided not to buy them… That’s just ten kinds of tacky.

Having your buddy graffiti the toilet seat while you’re at it? Congratulation, sir! You have broken records with your superdickery.

California state law makes it very hard to do anything about shopliftng, ever. Before the person leaves, they technically haven’t stolen anything. After they leave, you are not allowed to detain them against their will, and the burden of proof is on you, the shopkeeper. This leaves one feeling impotent as one watches someone walk out without having paid, being unable to do anything about it.

Fortunately, I know that the gentlemen to whom I refer are going to be at the Grand Prix in San Jose next weekend. As will I. My revenge is yet undecided, but it will be sweet.

I’m open to suggestions.

General Hatred Towards Humanity

I am blessed to work at a game store that has a remarkable low percentage of “scary gamers;” the kind that scare good wholesome people off of the hobby. I’m talking about the unwashed, the stuttering, the poor dressing, the absolute lack of social skills, the idiocy, and the like. I hate them. I hate dealing with them. And I hate the fact that they are what makes people not come into my store.

The fact that there are so few of them is, in a way, a curse, for it means that the ones that do come in are so much more annoying.

A gentleman walks into the store. He asks if Chris is working. He then asks for Chris’ home phone number. “No, it’s cool,” he says, “we’re good friends. I just lost my phone, so I don’t have his number.” I don’t know this person, so I’m not going to be giving out phone numbers.

Apparently, this upsets the gentleman. He decides to get even.

He asks for a comic special order. Then another. Then another. And a fourth. When it comes time to pay, he changes his mind because he doesn’t want to prepay. He then heads over to the card game section, and starts asking questions. Lots of questions. Lots and lots of questions. When he’s done asking questions, he’ll wait just long enough for me to start to walk away, and then ask another question.

These are inane questions. Like “Is this fun?” Or “How much does this cost?” (In every case, the price for the item was clearly marked, on the standard back flap for the RPGs or on the front if the card for the CCGs. He does this for every section of the store; comics, board games, Heroclix, Warhammer, D&D, Rifts, WoW RPG, Magic, L5R, and nWoD.

When I finally get short with him, after more than half an hour of this (“I’m sorry, I have work I need to get done. Let me know when you’re ready to be rung up.”) he insists that the customer service in this store sucks, and he’d never spend money here.

What the hell?

Does this sort of attitude work in other stores? Does it actually get him anywhere in life? Other than, you know, pissing people like me off.

Stupid Mondays…

There’s Something About Mondays

Where are your YuGiOh cards?

Right Here.

Do you have any structure decks?

Yes, right here.

How much are they?

$14.95

You’ll give em to me cheaper, right?

Beg pardon?

If I see them for less, I can buy them for that, right?

Still not following…

I was looking on the computer and I found them for seven dollars. I can buy them for that, right?

No, they’re $14.95.

Why?

Because that’s MSRP, what the manufacturer reccommends we sell them for.

That’s bullshit.

<pause>

What if I buy a lot of them? Can I get them cheaper then?

Of course. If you purchase a full box, that is, any 8 starters, we’ll give you our standard 20% discount.

So how much would that be?

$95.

Really? Cause I saw them on the computer for like $40. I’ll give you forty?

No.

<Pause>

Do you have the Yugi evolution deck?

No.

Why not?

Because it went out of print more than 18 months ago.

And you don’t have it?

No.

How much would they be? Like $20.

I’m not sure, as we don’t have any.

I’ll give you $20 for one.

Sure.

Really?

No.

Oh.

<pause>

What about the Kaiba Evolution deck? Do you have them?

No.

Why not?

They were produced at the sem time as the Yugi decks.

So?

So they also have been out fo print for more than a year.

<pause>

You’ve got Blue Eyes packs. That’s good. Thsoe are really hard to find.

<pause>

I’ll give you $3 for one.

They cost $7.95 each.

Yeah, but I saw them for $3 dollars on the computer, so you’ll give one to me for that right?

No.

This place sucks.

<pause>

Do you buy YuGiOh cards?

*sigh* No.

<pause>

Ok.

Thank you.

<door>

———-

What are these for?

Those are Heroclix, m’am.

What, little guys?

Yes, m’am. They’re used to stage battles between iconic comic book characters.

Oh. Where are your other little men?

Beg Pardon.

You know, your little toy men.

Action Figures?

Yes!

Right here.

That’s all you got?

I’m afraid so.

That’s not what I wanted.

Do you actually know what it is that you wanted?

The Dragon little men.

Dungeons and Dragons miniatures?

Yes, those.

We have the single pieces here in the case, and the packages are available over by the D&D books.

…Honey, I’ve got that one.

Which one?

The toy with the Tentacles.

I know. You’ve shown me.

Not that one silly. They don’t sell those here.

<pause>

Do you?

Pardon?

You know, toys with tentacles?

Um, no, I’m afraid not.

See, told you so. That’s what Santa Rosa Avenue is for.

<pause>

You can have battles here?

Yes m’am.

How much does that cost?

It’s free.

I’ll have to dig my toys out and bring them down

*whispers*

No not that toy. Silly.

<pause>

We’re going home now. ‘Bye.

<door>

*sigh*

———-

You buy stuff right?

Sometimes.

You’ll buy these right?

I’m sorry, we don’t handle any sort of sports.

What about racing?

Sorry, no.

Oh. That’s good, cause I’ve got these Ghost Rider Cards.

Not something we’d be interested in.

What are these cards here?

Those are Magic cards.

Oh. All of these?

Yes.

Can I see the back of one of them?

Sure. Here you are.

Damn. I just threw away two whole thrash bags of those.

<pause>

You’ll buy these?

Sorry, no.

Why not? That’s a number 1.

Yes. But it’s a recent #1 from a smaller limited run. It won’t sell for more than cover price, adn we already have quite a few copies in stock.

I’ll take it.

Sorry?

Cover price. I’ll take it.

We’re not interested in buying it.

You just said you’d give me cover price.

No, sir. I said that we couldn’t sell the many copies we already have for more than cover price, and that we weren’t interested inpurchasing it.

I’ll give it to you for a dollar.

No.

<pause>

I know you want this. (A Playstation wireless controller)

Sorry, no. We don’t deal in Electronic systems.

What, not at all?

No.

<pause>

The guys next door wanted this, but I said I was saving it for you. What’ll you give me for it?

Sir, that’s a Harmonica.

And a damn good one.

Sorry, not interested.

<pause>

Magic cards?

Yes, sir.

What’s that most expensive one?

A Black Lotus.

how much does that go for?

About $1200.

Wow…
You have one?

No, sir.

What’s the most expensive card you have.

<pause>

only $60.

Yes sir. The high end cards tend to go quickly.

Oh.

<pause>

Black Lotus?

Yes, sir.

I think I’ve got a few of those. I’ll be back later today.

*sigh* All right sir.

<pause>

What about Harry Potter figures?

Probably not, sir.

<pause>

But it looks just like these ones here. The ones for a couple of hundred dollars.

Do you have the box it came in?

The box?

Yes sir. And the Certificate of Authenticity. We would need those.

Really?

Yes sir. It is in fact illegal to sell a autographed or limited run item in California withour providing a certificate of authenticity.

Really?

Yes sir.

<pause>

I’ve got a Windows 95 certificate. You interested in that?

No sir.

Right. I’m done with you.

<pause>

I’ll be back later with those Black Lotuses.

<door>

<door>

Did I leave my cigarette in here?

No sir.

Oh.

<door>

———-